The second and third pages were falling victim to a dilemma I've been having over how to write the script. In film, setting and such can change with a simple cut, usually with sound or some other element to communicate to the viewer that we're in a different place, different time, etc. In comics, however, when cuts like this occur, you usually see a caption reading "Meanwhile" or "Later" or some such indicator. I think that's a little silly and I wanted to avoid it because I don't see the need to hold the audience's hand like that. I think if you see an entirely different scene with entirely different action, you can surmise that you've had a setting change. That being said, I also don't want any cuts to be too jarring or dyspeptic. So, I decided to change the final panel of page 2 to an establishing shot of the new setting for the scene change. Also, I did throw in a "Later" caption at the end of that scene, which I don't think I like. I hope to give the audience enough credit to be able to figure that sort of stuff out.
And, as I mentioned before, here are a few scripting terms you'll see on the following pages:
CAP:
That means "caption." It's just a little box over the art that holds text.
CHARACTER: (OP)
That just means the character speaking is off panel.
Splash Page
This is just a page with a single panel.
Ok, so jargony stuff out of the way, here is the script for the first six pages:
PAGE ONE (three panels)
Panel 1. A close up shot of our main character, who from this point will simply be referred to as GUY, who has clearly been on the receiving end of a righteous pummeling. Don’t reveal too much about the setting in this panel; we mostly just want to see GUY’s face.
GUY: (to reader)
Hi. As you can see, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle here.
Panel 2. This time a medium shot, a little wider, same angle. Just over his shoulder we see CLAY CAVALIER, a man of epic proportions, head shaved, grizzled and chiseled.
GUY: (to reader)
That brick wall of a mother fucker you see behind me there, that’s Clay Cavalier. I just met him a few days ago. As you can tell--
Panel 3. Now the reveal: a medium-wide shot of GUY, tied to a wooden chair with his hands behind his back, in what appears to be a kitchen, black and white tile floor and all. Now we get a better look at CLAY, who is standing at the kitchen sink, wearing latex gloves and a thick rubber apron, his back to us, gleefully humming.
GUY: (to reader)
--it hasn’t gone exactly as planned.
PAGE TWO (four panels)
Panel 1. Still in the kitchen with GUY, talking to the reader. GUY is indicating with his face toward CLAY.
GUY: (to reader)
Oh, don’t worry, he can’t hear us. This is all happening in my head, kinda like a ‘flash before my eyes’ or something of that nature.
Panel 2. GUY, a bit amused with himself.
GUY: (to reader)
I make it sound like I’m dying, ha! No, not quite. Just remembering how the fuck I got into this situation in the first place.
Panel 3. Still GUY in the kitchen, telling us his story.
GUY: (to reader)
But really, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. My run in with Clay isn’t exactly where this all started. Really—
Panel 4. Establishing shot, quiet city street in the middle of the afternoon.
CAP:
“--it all started with Bronson.”
PAGE THREE (splash page)
Panel 1. Full page shot of GUY, Craterface Curtis and a third fellow running toward us, all dressed in black suits with black ties and white shirts, running away from cops pursuing them. CRATERFACE, as his name implies, is a middle-aged goon with pock marks and a nose that’s clearly been broken a few times. This guy didn’t get hit with the ugly stick; he was bludgeoned. One cop has fired three shots, hitting the third nameless fellow through the gut (make this as gory as you’d like; the more guts being spewed, the better). GUY, as he’s running, is looking back over his shoulder and sees the third fellow being shot. GUY and CRATERFACE both have guns drawn (GUY carries a snubnose .38 and CRATERFACE has a basic GLOCK 9mm) but are not yet returning fire. GUY is also holding a black satchel full of loot.
THIRD FELLOW: AAGH!
PAGE FOUR (four panels)
Panel 1. GUY and CRATERFACE duck around a corner, into an alley.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. View from inside alley looking back onto street. We see GUY and CRATERFACE ducked behind a dumpster, which is up against one wall of the alley. GUY is on the inside and has set down the satchel and is now trying to reload, frantically dropping empty shells from his .38, his other hand in his outside jacket pocket for more shells. CRATERFACE is on the outside corner of the dumpster, putting a fresh clip into his Glock; he’s peeking around the corner of the dumpster back toward the street to see if the cops have followed them in.
GUY:
What the fuck just happened back there?
CRATER:
I dunno, kid, but I tell ya, it stinks to me.
Panel 3. Cops rounding the corner of the alley, coming in toward GUY and CRATER. We still see GUY and CRATER ducked behind the dumpster.
GUY:
You think the job was dirty?
Panel 4. Tighter on GUY and CRATER, CRATER motioning with his Glock. The cops, who are off panel, have caught up with the boys but are keeping assured distance.
COP: (OP)
THROW YOUR WEAPONS DOWN AND GET YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
CRATER:
Kid, I done a lot of jobs in my day, most of ‘em for Chuck. They ain’t never gone like this. They were on us before the bell even hit. When we get outta this, that prick Van Cleef that set up this job is gonna get a visit from me and my pal Rusty here.
PAGE FIVE (five panels)
Panel 1. GUY and CRATER looking at each other, tight on their faces, particularly to see the mutual look of determination in their eyes. COPS are still off panel, but are of course standing with guns drawn, pointed at the boys.
COP: (OP)
I’M WARNING YOU, YOU FUCKS! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
Panel 2. Simultaneously, GUY and CRATER stand and turn toward the cops, guns drawn at full tilt.
NO DIALOGUE
Panels 3 and 4. Each COP taking gut shots, two each, in rapid succession, one killed by GUY, one by CRATER.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 5. GUY and CRATER standing casually in the aftermath, looking down on the corpses they just created, guns still smoking.
CRATER:
I fucking hate cops.
PAGE SIX (four panels)
Panel 1. Establishing shot, night. We see the silhouette of a big city penthouse towering over a red skyline.
CAP: Later.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. Now we’re inside the penthouse, an overhead, wide shot of a dapper office. The floors are marble; there are huge columns throughout. Think ornate and expensive, but a little tacky. We see in the center of the office a large mahogany desk, behind which BRONSON, known crime kingpin, is standing. BRONSON is in his 60’s and we can see every year in his face. He’s always holding a cigar between his fingers but we never see him actually smoke it. He’s not skinny, but he’s not the Kingpin, either; think James Gandolfini in 20 years. In front of the desk are two chairs, in which GUY and CRATER are seated. Behind the boys, standing at the door, we see CLAY CAVALIER.
BRONSON:
Crater here says you helped him out of a jam today.
GUY:
Yes, sir. We did a job for Fonda that went sour, lost our third man. Me and Crater managed to get out with the loot.
Panel 3. We’re a bit closer now, this time from the perspective of GUY and CRATER, looking at BRONSON as he takes a seat. Maybe we see GUY and CRATER in the foreground, framing BRONSON in the middle-ground.
BRONSON:
You let me worry about Fonda, that’ a situation that’s being dealt with. Point is, you done good, kid. Got and old friend of mine out of taking a pinch.
Panel 4. A shot of CRATER relaxed, one arm up on the back of his chair, looking at GUY.
BRONSON: (OP)
That sorta thing don’t go unnoticed around here.
Stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
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