Ok, so here are the next four pages. Remember that (OP) means "off panel" and that a splash page is just one big panel and you'll be all set.
Switching from Word to this blog is causing some formatting issues, also. Sorry about the inconsistent look of the posts so far.
Also, be sure to read the last post and check out the photo of the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco so some of the action here can make a bit more sense.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
Aaron J.
A chronicling of one aspiring comic writer's quest to stop being a worthless piece of shit and start being more like his favorite writer, Alan Moore.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Job
So I've been fairly busy and haven't had a chance to get fully back into the grind working on pages in the last few days. I'm struggling a bit getting the flow and action right on the next sequence, which is the job Bronson set up for the boys. I've written the first three pages of it but it's still not quite right. I'm trying to tweak it before I post it (although I'm sure even after that I'll still go back and rewrite most of it, anyway).
That being said, the job takes place at the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco. I'ts important to know exactly what the building looks like and how it's laid out to get an idea of the flow of action. For readers reading the finished comic, they'll have those pictures in front of them to help with the translation, but for you readers who are going strictly from the script, some photo reference may help. So here's a photo of what the bank looks like:
Other than that, I'll say I hope to find time to finish up these pages and hopefully the first full issue by the turn of the new year, so keep checking back for updates.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
Aaron J.
That being said, the job takes place at the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco. I'ts important to know exactly what the building looks like and how it's laid out to get an idea of the flow of action. For readers reading the finished comic, they'll have those pictures in front of them to help with the translation, but for you readers who are going strictly from the script, some photo reference may help. So here's a photo of what the bank looks like:
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
Aaron J.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Next two pages
So here we have the next two pages. There's not really much else to add other than I feel like I'm getting a better sense of pacing the further I get into this issue. Originally I was considering adhering to a panel standard for each page to help with this, much like Watchmen (which was designed and paced to fit 9 panels per page, only breaking this pattern by combining panels for effect) but decided it wasn't such a good idea since the three/four settings this issue will take place in move at considerably different speeds: the slow telling of the story in the kitchen, the faster paced jobs and the steady, intimidating scene in Bronson's office. However, the next project I get working on, the super serum story, will be the most 'Alan Moore'-ish preparation I go through: aside from outlining the story, of course, I'm going to write detailed background summaries for each character first, just to inform my writing of them, as well as attempt to settle on a pacing guide like mentioned above. More on that when it comes around; in the meantime, the next two pages:
PAGE SEVEN (four panels)
Panel 1. I would suggest a shot of GUY here, his expression indicating that he feels a little bit out of his league.
BRONSON: (OP)
I know you ain’t never done any work for me. It ain’t easy to get in with me. There ain’t no trust in this business and it’s hard to keep friends. I myself only one, and Curtis here is it.
Panel 2. Back on BRONSON, continuing:
BRONSON: Doing good by the one friend I been able to keep in this business is a good way to earn my trust. That’s why I’m gonna invite you in on a score I got coming up.
Panel 3. Here we have a focus on BRONSON’s hands as he speaks, still holding his cigar between his index and middle finger, out in front of him as if he’s holding a man by the neck, slowly choking the life from him.
BRONSON:
You do right by me on this job, your name will be added to the short list of guys I can trust. You fuck me over, you’ll find out real painfully why I got the reputation in this town I do.
Panel 4. Bronson’s eyes, Leone style, stoic and fear-inducing.
BRONSON:
We clear?
PAGE EIGHT (five panels)
Panel 1. Back on GUY, obviously intimidated by the situation, recognizing he’s in a bit over his head, but doing his best not to show it.
GUY:
So you want my help on a job?
Panel 2. CRATER, sitting up in his chair, a bit more involved, hands and shoulders up, focusing on the “who knows” aspect of his dialogue:
CRATER:
I’m getting too old to be running around doing these jobs anymore, kid. I told Chuck about how things went on our last job and suggested you take my place on the next one. If it goes well, who knows, maybe there’ll be a regular place for you in the organization.
I’m getting too old to be running around doing these jobs anymore, kid. I told Chuck about how things went on our last job and suggested you take my place on the next one. If it goes well, who knows, maybe there’ll be a regular place for you in the organization.
Panel 3. Back to BRONSON.
BRONSON:
I ain’t gonna sit here and hold your hand through this, kid. You wanna sit here, maw wide open like you got a dick in your mouth, that ain’t none of my business, but I got better things to do than wait around for an answer. I’m extending a courtesy to my dear friend Curtis here—
Panel 4. GUY, realizing he’s about to miss out on an opportunity urgently jumping in.
GUY:
I’m in. I meant no disrespect, Mr. Bronson, sir. Just flattered for the offer, seemed a little too good to be true.
Panel 4. Back to BRONSON, motioning toward the door.
BRONSON:
Good. You’ll get details on the job in the morning.
Panel 5. GUY, getting up from his chair, stopped halfway through the motion, still crouched a bit, head turned back toward BRONSON.
BRONSON: (OP)
And remember what I said about my reputation.
And remember what I said about my reputation.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
First six pages
Ok! So I already went back and revised the first two pages that I posted, changing up a couple of things. I essentially changed the first page from an "establishing shot to a close up" to a "close up to an establishing shot." I think it gives a better impact of a reveal at the end of the page.
The second and third pages were falling victim to a dilemma I've been having over how to write the script. In film, setting and such can change with a simple cut, usually with sound or some other element to communicate to the viewer that we're in a different place, different time, etc. In comics, however, when cuts like this occur, you usually see a caption reading "Meanwhile" or "Later" or some such indicator. I think that's a little silly and I wanted to avoid it because I don't see the need to hold the audience's hand like that. I think if you see an entirely different scene with entirely different action, you can surmise that you've had a setting change. That being said, I also don't want any cuts to be too jarring or dyspeptic. So, I decided to change the final panel of page 2 to an establishing shot of the new setting for the scene change. Also, I did throw in a "Later" caption at the end of that scene, which I don't think I like. I hope to give the audience enough credit to be able to figure that sort of stuff out.
And, as I mentioned before, here are a few scripting terms you'll see on the following pages:
CAP:
That means "caption." It's just a little box over the art that holds text.
CHARACTER: (OP)
That just means the character speaking is off panel.
Splash Page
This is just a page with a single panel.
Ok, so jargony stuff out of the way, here is the script for the first six pages:
The second and third pages were falling victim to a dilemma I've been having over how to write the script. In film, setting and such can change with a simple cut, usually with sound or some other element to communicate to the viewer that we're in a different place, different time, etc. In comics, however, when cuts like this occur, you usually see a caption reading "Meanwhile" or "Later" or some such indicator. I think that's a little silly and I wanted to avoid it because I don't see the need to hold the audience's hand like that. I think if you see an entirely different scene with entirely different action, you can surmise that you've had a setting change. That being said, I also don't want any cuts to be too jarring or dyspeptic. So, I decided to change the final panel of page 2 to an establishing shot of the new setting for the scene change. Also, I did throw in a "Later" caption at the end of that scene, which I don't think I like. I hope to give the audience enough credit to be able to figure that sort of stuff out.
And, as I mentioned before, here are a few scripting terms you'll see on the following pages:
CAP:
That means "caption." It's just a little box over the art that holds text.
CHARACTER: (OP)
That just means the character speaking is off panel.
Splash Page
This is just a page with a single panel.
Ok, so jargony stuff out of the way, here is the script for the first six pages:
PAGE ONE (three panels)
Panel 1. A close up shot of our main character, who from this point will simply be referred to as GUY, who has clearly been on the receiving end of a righteous pummeling. Don’t reveal too much about the setting in this panel; we mostly just want to see GUY’s face.
GUY: (to reader)
Hi. As you can see, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle here.
Panel 2. This time a medium shot, a little wider, same angle. Just over his shoulder we see CLAY CAVALIER, a man of epic proportions, head shaved, grizzled and chiseled.
GUY: (to reader)
That brick wall of a mother fucker you see behind me there, that’s Clay Cavalier. I just met him a few days ago. As you can tell--
Panel 3. Now the reveal: a medium-wide shot of GUY, tied to a wooden chair with his hands behind his back, in what appears to be a kitchen, black and white tile floor and all. Now we get a better look at CLAY, who is standing at the kitchen sink, wearing latex gloves and a thick rubber apron, his back to us, gleefully humming.
GUY: (to reader)
--it hasn’t gone exactly as planned.
PAGE TWO (four panels)
Panel 1. Still in the kitchen with GUY, talking to the reader. GUY is indicating with his face toward CLAY.
GUY: (to reader)
Oh, don’t worry, he can’t hear us. This is all happening in my head, kinda like a ‘flash before my eyes’ or something of that nature.
Panel 2. GUY, a bit amused with himself.
GUY: (to reader)
I make it sound like I’m dying, ha! No, not quite. Just remembering how the fuck I got into this situation in the first place.
Panel 3. Still GUY in the kitchen, telling us his story.
GUY: (to reader)
But really, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. My run in with Clay isn’t exactly where this all started. Really—
Panel 4. Establishing shot, quiet city street in the middle of the afternoon.
CAP:
“--it all started with Bronson.”
PAGE THREE (splash page)
Panel 1. Full page shot of GUY, Craterface Curtis and a third fellow running toward us, all dressed in black suits with black ties and white shirts, running away from cops pursuing them. CRATERFACE, as his name implies, is a middle-aged goon with pock marks and a nose that’s clearly been broken a few times. This guy didn’t get hit with the ugly stick; he was bludgeoned. One cop has fired three shots, hitting the third nameless fellow through the gut (make this as gory as you’d like; the more guts being spewed, the better). GUY, as he’s running, is looking back over his shoulder and sees the third fellow being shot. GUY and CRATERFACE both have guns drawn (GUY carries a snubnose .38 and CRATERFACE has a basic GLOCK 9mm) but are not yet returning fire. GUY is also holding a black satchel full of loot.
THIRD FELLOW: AAGH!
PAGE FOUR (four panels)
Panel 1. GUY and CRATERFACE duck around a corner, into an alley.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. View from inside alley looking back onto street. We see GUY and CRATERFACE ducked behind a dumpster, which is up against one wall of the alley. GUY is on the inside and has set down the satchel and is now trying to reload, frantically dropping empty shells from his .38, his other hand in his outside jacket pocket for more shells. CRATERFACE is on the outside corner of the dumpster, putting a fresh clip into his Glock; he’s peeking around the corner of the dumpster back toward the street to see if the cops have followed them in.
GUY:
What the fuck just happened back there?
CRATER:
I dunno, kid, but I tell ya, it stinks to me.
Panel 3. Cops rounding the corner of the alley, coming in toward GUY and CRATER. We still see GUY and CRATER ducked behind the dumpster.
GUY:
You think the job was dirty?
Panel 4. Tighter on GUY and CRATER, CRATER motioning with his Glock. The cops, who are off panel, have caught up with the boys but are keeping assured distance.
COP: (OP)
THROW YOUR WEAPONS DOWN AND GET YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
CRATER:
Kid, I done a lot of jobs in my day, most of ‘em for Chuck. They ain’t never gone like this. They were on us before the bell even hit. When we get outta this, that prick Van Cleef that set up this job is gonna get a visit from me and my pal Rusty here.
PAGE FIVE (five panels)
Panel 1. GUY and CRATER looking at each other, tight on their faces, particularly to see the mutual look of determination in their eyes. COPS are still off panel, but are of course standing with guns drawn, pointed at the boys.
COP: (OP)
I’M WARNING YOU, YOU FUCKS! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!
Panel 2. Simultaneously, GUY and CRATER stand and turn toward the cops, guns drawn at full tilt.
NO DIALOGUE
Panels 3 and 4. Each COP taking gut shots, two each, in rapid succession, one killed by GUY, one by CRATER.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 5. GUY and CRATER standing casually in the aftermath, looking down on the corpses they just created, guns still smoking.
CRATER:
I fucking hate cops.
PAGE SIX (four panels)
Panel 1. Establishing shot, night. We see the silhouette of a big city penthouse towering over a red skyline.
CAP: Later.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. Now we’re inside the penthouse, an overhead, wide shot of a dapper office. The floors are marble; there are huge columns throughout. Think ornate and expensive, but a little tacky. We see in the center of the office a large mahogany desk, behind which BRONSON, known crime kingpin, is standing. BRONSON is in his 60’s and we can see every year in his face. He’s always holding a cigar between his fingers but we never see him actually smoke it. He’s not skinny, but he’s not the Kingpin, either; think James Gandolfini in 20 years. In front of the desk are two chairs, in which GUY and CRATER are seated. Behind the boys, standing at the door, we see CLAY CAVALIER.
BRONSON:
Crater here says you helped him out of a jam today.
GUY:
Yes, sir. We did a job for Fonda that went sour, lost our third man. Me and Crater managed to get out with the loot.
Panel 3. We’re a bit closer now, this time from the perspective of GUY and CRATER, looking at BRONSON as he takes a seat. Maybe we see GUY and CRATER in the foreground, framing BRONSON in the middle-ground.
BRONSON:
You let me worry about Fonda, that’ a situation that’s being dealt with. Point is, you done good, kid. Got and old friend of mine out of taking a pinch.
Panel 4. A shot of CRATER relaxed, one arm up on the back of his chair, looking at GUY.
BRONSON: (OP)
That sorta thing don’t go unnoticed around here.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
First two pages
So I wrote an outline for the whole Clay Cavalier story and as long as I stick to it, it should end up being a brisk 3 issues. Rather than writing the whole thing in one chunk and neglecting the blog until it's finished, I figured I'd post a few pages here and there as I finish them. Since I'm writing from a pretty basic outline, there's a chance once the issue is done I'll have to go back and spruce up previous pages, condensing or editing or whatnot, but that's the fun of this whole venture!
The formatting from the actual script to this blog is of course a bit different (I'm working off of a template from Dark Horse Comics), so don't mind that. Also, I don't think there are any examples of this on these pages, but as they occur, I'll explain in the foreword any shorthand you might find in the script.
So, without further ado, here are the first two pages of "The Bastard Clay Cavalier:"
The formatting from the actual script to this blog is of course a bit different (I'm working off of a template from Dark Horse Comics), so don't mind that. Also, I don't think there are any examples of this on these pages, but as they occur, I'll explain in the foreword any shorthand you might find in the script.
So, without further ado, here are the first two pages of "The Bastard Clay Cavalier:"
PAGE ONE (three panels)
Panel 1. A medium-wide shot of our main character, who from this point will simply be referred to as GUY, beat to shit, tied to a wooden chair with his hands behind his back, in what appears to be a kitchen. Over his shoulder we see CLAY CAVALIER, standing at the kitchen sink, wearing latex gloves and a thick rubber apron, back to us, humming.
GUY: (to reader)
Hi. As you can see, I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle here.
Panel 2. This time a medium shot, a little tighter on GUY, same angle. CLAY should still be visible here.
GUY: (to reader)
That brick wall of a mother fucker you see behind me there, that’s Clay Cavalier. I just met him a few days ago. As you can tell--
Panel 3. This time a close up on GUY, same angle. Page should give the impression to the reader of a slow push-in to GUY’s face, as if the camera is moving slowly toward him.
GUY: (to reader)
--it hasn’t gone exactly as planned.
PAGE TWO (four panels)
Panel 1. Still in the kitchen with GUY, talking to the reader. GUY is indicating with his face toward CLAY.
GUY: (to reader)
Oh, don’t worry, he can’t hear us. This is all happening in my head, kinda like a ‘flash before my eyes’ or something of that nature.
Panel 2. GUY, a bit amused with himself.
GUY: (to reader)
I make it sound like I’m dying, ha! No, not quite. Just remembering how the fuck I got into this situation in the first place.
Panel 3. Still GUY in the kitchen, telling us his story.
GUY: (to reader)
But really, I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. My run in with Clay isn’t exactly where this all started. Really—
Panel 4. GUY in the kitchen, now subtly agitated by even the thought of this guy.
GUY: (to reader)
--it all started with Bronson.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Already, a wall...
Ok, so I've reached kind of a stand still trying to outline some of these stories, particularly the Clay Cavalier one.
Originally, the story doesn't make a considerable amount of sense; there are certain leaps in the plot that, realistically, would never happen. So I've been working out ways to get around that, making the story a bit more believable, but even that has presented some challenges. I've considered scrapping the whole thing and starting from scratch, but I kind of feel like that defeats the purpose of the exercise; also, there is one scene in particular that I actually like and I don't want to lose that.
One other, smaller issue is deciding the issue count; for this story, it sort of makes sense to write it as one oversized book, which I think I could get down to the roughly 48pg. standard, but I'm still not entirely sure.
So, things are going a little slower than expected. In the meantime I did start outlining the other two stories also, just getting ahead on them a bit.
So, hopefully, in the next week or so, I'll get at least an outline for the Clay story up and get working on the full script.
Stay Tuned,
-Aaron J.
Originally, the story doesn't make a considerable amount of sense; there are certain leaps in the plot that, realistically, would never happen. So I've been working out ways to get around that, making the story a bit more believable, but even that has presented some challenges. I've considered scrapping the whole thing and starting from scratch, but I kind of feel like that defeats the purpose of the exercise; also, there is one scene in particular that I actually like and I don't want to lose that.
One other, smaller issue is deciding the issue count; for this story, it sort of makes sense to write it as one oversized book, which I think I could get down to the roughly 48pg. standard, but I'm still not entirely sure.
So, things are going a little slower than expected. In the meantime I did start outlining the other two stories also, just getting ahead on them a bit.
So, hopefully, in the next week or so, I'll get at least an outline for the Clay story up and get working on the full script.
Stay Tuned,
-Aaron J.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Initial Ideas
So here's what I've got, ideas-wise:
1.) My first endeavor, really only being written as an attempt to get my feet wet with this new concept, is an adaptation of a kind of 'gangster' short story I wrote a few years ago, "The Bastard Clay Cavalier." The story was only about 15 pages long and sufferred from misguided attempts to establish setting. I intend to flesh out some scenes and characters a bit more and this will likely turn into a short, probably 3-4 issue mini-series.
2.) A superhero story playing on the idea of a 'super-soldier' serum. I had the germ of this idea a few years ago and then read Warren Ellis' amazing No Hero, which unfortunately shared a lot of the same concepts I had come up with (not to compare myself to Warren Ellis; I think Black Summer and No Hero are some of the best superhero stories that've been told in the last decade), although the themes were significantly different. I have two ideas on how to differentiate my story from No Hero, and might even try them both out through the full script stage, just to get a better idea of how I feel about each of them.
3.) Finally, the primary reason I started this blog, is an experiment on genre comics. I've always been a huge film buff and most of the comic ideas I've had in recent history have been directly influenced by some of my favorite films and filmmakers. That being said, I'm a pretty big fan of genre film, and found it really interesting that Kurosawa's film Seven Samurai, when adapted for american audiences, was turned into a western, the Magnificent Seven. So, I intend to write an outline based on a western idea I have, heavily influenced by the work of the late, great Sergio Leone, and then use that outline to write both a western book and a samurai book, which itself will likely be heavily influenced by Kurosawa. The western will take place during the American Civil War and the samurai story will take place during the Heiji Rebellion, using the same basic plot.
I'll post progress on these ideas as they come to fruition and will likely post some scans of pages I might draw up as well. I find I tend to develop ideas visually first, which helps me develop the language around them. So, I'll sometimes draw out character sketches or sequentual pages just to get a sense of character or pacing.
Stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
1.) My first endeavor, really only being written as an attempt to get my feet wet with this new concept, is an adaptation of a kind of 'gangster' short story I wrote a few years ago, "The Bastard Clay Cavalier." The story was only about 15 pages long and sufferred from misguided attempts to establish setting. I intend to flesh out some scenes and characters a bit more and this will likely turn into a short, probably 3-4 issue mini-series.
2.) A superhero story playing on the idea of a 'super-soldier' serum. I had the germ of this idea a few years ago and then read Warren Ellis' amazing No Hero, which unfortunately shared a lot of the same concepts I had come up with (not to compare myself to Warren Ellis; I think Black Summer and No Hero are some of the best superhero stories that've been told in the last decade), although the themes were significantly different. I have two ideas on how to differentiate my story from No Hero, and might even try them both out through the full script stage, just to get a better idea of how I feel about each of them.
3.) Finally, the primary reason I started this blog, is an experiment on genre comics. I've always been a huge film buff and most of the comic ideas I've had in recent history have been directly influenced by some of my favorite films and filmmakers. That being said, I'm a pretty big fan of genre film, and found it really interesting that Kurosawa's film Seven Samurai, when adapted for american audiences, was turned into a western, the Magnificent Seven. So, I intend to write an outline based on a western idea I have, heavily influenced by the work of the late, great Sergio Leone, and then use that outline to write both a western book and a samurai book, which itself will likely be heavily influenced by Kurosawa. The western will take place during the American Civil War and the samurai story will take place during the Heiji Rebellion, using the same basic plot.
I'll post progress on these ideas as they come to fruition and will likely post some scans of pages I might draw up as well. I find I tend to develop ideas visually first, which helps me develop the language around them. So, I'll sometimes draw out character sketches or sequentual pages just to get a sense of character or pacing.
Stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Monday, November 29, 2010
The purpose of this blog...
Hello,
Welcome to my new and first real blog. This blog is intended to serve a few purposes: primarily, this is a way to motivate me to get writing. I've had a number of ideas for comic stories for years and have never really tried actually putting them together in comic script format. So, using this blog, I intend to do a few experiments and post some work, from initial concept, to outlining, to final scripts.
Secondly, this is an outlet to get my work out there, available for established professionals and other aspiring creators to see. Artists are free to use scripts to work on their own sequential pages (I'd appreciate some credit and I'd love to see the completed work) and I'd love dialogue with other writers, as well; the only way anyone can get any better is through their own output and others' input, so I'm happy to hear some feedback.
For anyone wondering about the title, Striving for Moore, it's a reference to the unparalleled genius of Alan Moore. I was reading something recently about J. Michael Straczynski's decision to leave monthly books for the next few years and when speaking of the quality of his own work, he referenced a scale from 1-10, 1 being terrible writing and 10 being Alan Moore. I thought that was pretty accurate as far as the standards of comic writing go, so, like the title implies, this is a blog chronicling my attempts to move as close as possible to that illustrious level of writing for comics occupied by Alan Moore. I know I'm nowhere close and likely will never get there, but I'm going to try to get as close as I can.
Stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Welcome to my new and first real blog. This blog is intended to serve a few purposes: primarily, this is a way to motivate me to get writing. I've had a number of ideas for comic stories for years and have never really tried actually putting them together in comic script format. So, using this blog, I intend to do a few experiments and post some work, from initial concept, to outlining, to final scripts.
Secondly, this is an outlet to get my work out there, available for established professionals and other aspiring creators to see. Artists are free to use scripts to work on their own sequential pages (I'd appreciate some credit and I'd love to see the completed work) and I'd love dialogue with other writers, as well; the only way anyone can get any better is through their own output and others' input, so I'm happy to hear some feedback.
For anyone wondering about the title, Striving for Moore, it's a reference to the unparalleled genius of Alan Moore. I was reading something recently about J. Michael Straczynski's decision to leave monthly books for the next few years and when speaking of the quality of his own work, he referenced a scale from 1-10, 1 being terrible writing and 10 being Alan Moore. I thought that was pretty accurate as far as the standards of comic writing go, so, like the title implies, this is a blog chronicling my attempts to move as close as possible to that illustrious level of writing for comics occupied by Alan Moore. I know I'm nowhere close and likely will never get there, but I'm going to try to get as close as I can.
Stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
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