Something about everything Warren Ellis says/writes just energizes me and makes me want to write. I've been poking through some essays he's written and gee golly if the dude isn't brilliantly on the mark, unflinchingly. It's got me super-stoked to start up work on my next story.
I do intend to finish writing the next two issues of the current story before moving on, so anyone who has any sort of interest in the outcome can rest a bit easier tonight.
Stay Tuned,
-Aaron J.
A chronicling of one aspiring comic writer's quest to stop being a worthless piece of shit and start being more like his favorite writer, Alan Moore.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Final Pages: Nineteen, Twenty, Tewnty-one and Twenty-two!
So what do you know, it did actually take me 22 pages to finish this script. It's still not quite right and I get the distinct feeling that once I get deeper into this story I'm going to want to come back and change a lot of details from this issue, but it's in the bag and I guess that's something.
Also, again the formatting is being a total assbag, so sorry for the varying spaces and whatnot.
So, anyway, here are the final pages:
PAGE NINETEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. DARBY in a 1979 4 DOOR BUICK REGAL SEDAN darting around the corner of the building, tires smoking, maybe even knocking over a trashcan.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. We’re inside the bank with the boys now, looking out the door. We see DARBY in the front seat, looking straight at us, smirking, leaning toward us, one arm along the top of the front passenger seat.
DARBY:
Your chariot awaits, fuckwads!
Panel 3. Here we see CAMPBELL opening the rear passenger door, WAYNE tossing his duffle bag into the backseat.
WAYNE:
Don’t get cocky, we’re not out of this yet.
Panel 4. A medium shot of a fire engine racing toward us. We see through the window the driver and a passenger, in full fire gear. The passenger is talking into the receiver on the radio.
PASSENGER:
Engine 49, headed to San Fed, ETA 20 seconds!
PAGE TWENTY (three panels)
Panel 1. We’re back with the boys now. WAYNE has his mask pulled up like a hat again, revealing his face. CAMPBELL has his mask off, which we can see in the backseat. GUY is passing the last bag to CAMPBELL to be put into the car.
DARBY:
C’mon, assholes, we gotta get movin’!
Panel 2. A wide and high exterior shot of the façade of the bank, fully engulfed in flames. We see the fire engine pulling up, along with 2 police squad cars.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. A tight shot of a male police officer exiting his squad car, calling out to other officers in the area.
OFFICER:
Fire squad is going to do a quick preliminary sweep of the ground floor so give them some room! Andrews, I want you and Michelson to swing around the back and check for signs of forced entry! It would be one hell of a coincidence if this was just arson!
PAGE TWENTYONE (three panels)
Panel 1. The car, CAMPBELL in back now, WAYNE climbing in. WAYNE has one hand on the door, one on the roof of the car, one leg in the car, paused, looking back to GUY.
WAYNE:
I know a lot of guys in prison, kid.
Panel 2. We’re on GUY now, who is pulling up his mask to get a better look at WAYNE. GUY looks a bit puzzled, but more like he realizes exactly what’s happening.
WAYNE: (OP)
You squeal on this job, you’ll learn very painfully the subsidy of a young fella like you with a virgin brown eye.
Panel 3. Back on WAYNE, who is now seated in the car. We see CAMPBELL and DARBY both have guns drawn, pointed at GUY.
WAYNE:
This ain’t about you and me, kid. It had to be somebody.
PAGE TWENTYTWO (splash page)
A nice and high, encompassing shot of DARBY, CAMPBELL and WAYNE speeding away, leaving GUY standing in the still open rear entrance.
GUY:
Shit.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Also, again the formatting is being a total assbag, so sorry for the varying spaces and whatnot.
So, anyway, here are the final pages:
PAGE NINETEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. DARBY in a 1979 4 DOOR BUICK REGAL SEDAN darting around the corner of the building, tires smoking, maybe even knocking over a trashcan.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. We’re inside the bank with the boys now, looking out the door. We see DARBY in the front seat, looking straight at us, smirking, leaning toward us, one arm along the top of the front passenger seat.
DARBY:
Your chariot awaits, fuckwads!
Panel 3. Here we see CAMPBELL opening the rear passenger door, WAYNE tossing his duffle bag into the backseat.
WAYNE:
Don’t get cocky, we’re not out of this yet.
Panel 4. A medium shot of a fire engine racing toward us. We see through the window the driver and a passenger, in full fire gear. The passenger is talking into the receiver on the radio.
PASSENGER:
Engine 49, headed to San Fed, ETA 20 seconds!
PAGE TWENTY (three panels)
Panel 1. We’re back with the boys now. WAYNE has his mask pulled up like a hat again, revealing his face. CAMPBELL has his mask off, which we can see in the backseat. GUY is passing the last bag to CAMPBELL to be put into the car.
DARBY:
C’mon, assholes, we gotta get movin’!
Panel 2. A wide and high exterior shot of the façade of the bank, fully engulfed in flames. We see the fire engine pulling up, along with 2 police squad cars.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. A tight shot of a male police officer exiting his squad car, calling out to other officers in the area.
OFFICER:
Fire squad is going to do a quick preliminary sweep of the ground floor so give them some room! Andrews, I want you and Michelson to swing around the back and check for signs of forced entry! It would be one hell of a coincidence if this was just arson!
PAGE TWENTYONE (three panels)
Panel 1. The car, CAMPBELL in back now, WAYNE climbing in. WAYNE has one hand on the door, one on the roof of the car, one leg in the car, paused, looking back to GUY.
WAYNE:
I know a lot of guys in prison, kid.
Panel 2. We’re on GUY now, who is pulling up his mask to get a better look at WAYNE. GUY looks a bit puzzled, but more like he realizes exactly what’s happening.
WAYNE: (OP)
You squeal on this job, you’ll learn very painfully the subsidy of a young fella like you with a virgin brown eye.
Panel 3. Back on WAYNE, who is now seated in the car. We see CAMPBELL and DARBY both have guns drawn, pointed at GUY.
WAYNE:
This ain’t about you and me, kid. It had to be somebody.
PAGE TWENTYTWO (splash page)
A nice and high, encompassing shot of DARBY, CAMPBELL and WAYNE speeding away, leaving GUY standing in the still open rear entrance.
GUY:
Shit.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sixteen, Seventeen and Eighteen
Ok, so I'm actually coming in under the 21/22 page length for this story. Realistically, I planned to end on the very next page. I think I'm going to write it as a 20 page story, drawing out the final moment a bit more than I originally intended, then go back through the entire story and see where something may be fleshed out a bit more. As I initially intended, this piece has been a good starting off point and I've learned a lot about how to plan ahead and pace things. I still don't know enough, mind you, but I'm learning little by little as I go and hopefully by the end of this story, the end of the third issue, I'll have a passable grasp on the aforementioned concepts.
Also, sory for the delay. School sucks.
So, without further ado, the next 3 pages:
PAGE SIXTEEN (five panels)
Panel 1. A close up of the boxes, their label visible. The label reads as follows:
TO: UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
1500 PENNSYLVANIA AVE NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20229
WAYNE:
Bingo.
Panel 2. Here we see the boys each grabbing a box, cutting and ripping into them.
Panel 3. GUY with a box open in front of him, filled with bound bills of all denominations.
GUY:
So this is what they do with old bills? Send them off to the Treasury be destroyed?
Panel 4. Close-up of CAMPBELL, smiling.
CAMPBELL:
Not this time!
Panel 5. A medium-wide shot, showing the boys finishing up, bags filled with money, empty boxes strewn about.
WAYNE:
Three minutes. MOVE!
PAGE SEVENTEEN: (three panels)
Panel 1. Back in the kitchen with GUY.
GUY: (to reader)
At this point, I thought we were home free. We were ahead of schedule and sirens were barely audible at.
Panel 2. GUY in the kitchen.
GUY: (to reader)
We had more than enough time to make a clear break and any forensic evidence we might’ve left behind would be taken care of by the fire. Easy as pie, right?
Panel 3. GUY, head down, hung in disbelief, speaking sarcastically.
GUY: (to reader)
Right.
PAGE EIGHTEEN: (four panels)
Panel 1. A medium shot of the boys exiting the office, running back out to the main office floor. We’re seeing here the makings of the fire spreading from the first floor up to the second. The boys are running off panel in the opposite direction from which they came in.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. The boys fervently running through a door leading to another stairway. Above the door we see an illuminated EXIT sign. To the left of the door we see a sign that reads EMPLOYEE PARKING.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. The boys rounding a short flight of stairs. CAMPBELL is already celebrating, arms raised in the air, still holding his bags of loot.
CAMPBELL:
Woo!
Panel 4. The boys are at the final exit door now leading outside. CAMPBELL has partially opened the door, sticking his head out, making sure all is clear.
WAYNE:
We’re about 20 seconds early, Darby oughta be rounding the north corner any second. Stay frosty, even after we’re in the car. Clear?
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Also, sory for the delay. School sucks.
So, without further ado, the next 3 pages:
PAGE SIXTEEN (five panels)
Panel 1. A close up of the boxes, their label visible. The label reads as follows:
TO: UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
1500 PENNSYLVANIA AVE NW
WASHINGTON, DC 20229
WAYNE:
Bingo.
Panel 2. Here we see the boys each grabbing a box, cutting and ripping into them.
Panel 3. GUY with a box open in front of him, filled with bound bills of all denominations.
GUY:
So this is what they do with old bills? Send them off to the Treasury be destroyed?
Panel 4. Close-up of CAMPBELL, smiling.
CAMPBELL:
Not this time!
Panel 5. A medium-wide shot, showing the boys finishing up, bags filled with money, empty boxes strewn about.
WAYNE:
Three minutes. MOVE!
PAGE SEVENTEEN: (three panels)
Panel 1. Back in the kitchen with GUY.
GUY: (to reader)
At this point, I thought we were home free. We were ahead of schedule and sirens were barely audible at.
Panel 2. GUY in the kitchen.
GUY: (to reader)
We had more than enough time to make a clear break and any forensic evidence we might’ve left behind would be taken care of by the fire. Easy as pie, right?
Panel 3. GUY, head down, hung in disbelief, speaking sarcastically.
GUY: (to reader)
Right.
PAGE EIGHTEEN: (four panels)
Panel 1. A medium shot of the boys exiting the office, running back out to the main office floor. We’re seeing here the makings of the fire spreading from the first floor up to the second. The boys are running off panel in the opposite direction from which they came in.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. The boys fervently running through a door leading to another stairway. Above the door we see an illuminated EXIT sign. To the left of the door we see a sign that reads EMPLOYEE PARKING.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. The boys rounding a short flight of stairs. CAMPBELL is already celebrating, arms raised in the air, still holding his bags of loot.
CAMPBELL:
Woo!
Panel 4. The boys are at the final exit door now leading outside. CAMPBELL has partially opened the door, sticking his head out, making sure all is clear.
WAYNE:
We’re about 20 seconds early, Darby oughta be rounding the north corner any second. Stay frosty, even after we’re in the car. Clear?
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Pages Thirteen, Fourteen and Fifteen
It's taken me a bit longer to get through this than I'd hoped, but here are the next three pages. I'm still not happy with the pacing and action of this scene; I think it feels a bit clunky. I'm nearing the end of the first issue and I'm pretty much on track (single issues of comics are traditionally 22 pages long), but I might end up going back and tightening up some of these last few pages to allow more breathing room at the end for the cliffhanger. We'll see. Anyway, here are the next three pages:
PAGE THIRTEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. We’re tighter on CAMPBELL now, who we see behind the counter, dumping gasoline across the teller counter. He is looking over his shoulder back at GUY, who is still kneeled in front of the door.
CAMPBELL:
Give me the word and I’ll torch it!
Panel 2. GUY, kneeled in front of the door, which now has a strategically placed charge of C4 on/near the deadbolt.
GUY:
Now THIS is the way to use of C4! You might want to take a few steps back for this one…
Panel 3. A nice panel of the charge being triggered, blowing the door open.
GUY:
Hit it, Campbell!
Panel 4: Medium shot of CAMPBELL dropping a lit match to the counter. We see GUY in the background gathering his gear and WAYNE headed toward the door.
WAYNE:
60 seconds!
PAGE FOURTEEN (three panels)
Panel 1. The boys entering the newly blown open door, still smoking. Inside the door is a set of stairs leading to the second level of the bank. We see flames in the foreground, engulfing the teller counter, quickly spreading.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. The boys in the stairwell, rounding the first flight, headed up the second, which will lead them to the second floor.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. The boys running through the 2nd floor door, clearly marked inside the stairwell.
WAYNE:
90 seconds!
PAGE FIFTEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. We’re inside the second floor with the boys now, which is filled with cubicles and desks. We see an office in the back, which has large glass panels for walls with the blinds closed; think of Michael’s office on, well, The Office. We see CAMPBELL pointing toward the office.
CAMPBELL:
There!
Panel 2. The boys are in front of the office now. WAYNE has his gun drawn, pointed toward the glass panels that make up the front office wall.
WAYNE:
No need for theatrics in here.
Panel 3. WAYNE firing 4-5 shots, knocking out the glass panels, clearing an entryway for them into the office.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 4. Here we see the boys entering the office. Behind a desk we see a stack of 5 or so cardboard boxes, all about 10x10x10, taped up and prepped for shipping, labels and all.
CAMPBELL:
Behind the desk, just where they’re supposed to be…
WAYNE:
Just over two minutes. We gotta get cookin.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
PAGE THIRTEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. We’re tighter on CAMPBELL now, who we see behind the counter, dumping gasoline across the teller counter. He is looking over his shoulder back at GUY, who is still kneeled in front of the door.
CAMPBELL:
Give me the word and I’ll torch it!
Panel 2. GUY, kneeled in front of the door, which now has a strategically placed charge of C4 on/near the deadbolt.
GUY:
Now THIS is the way to use of C4! You might want to take a few steps back for this one…
Panel 3. A nice panel of the charge being triggered, blowing the door open.
GUY:
Hit it, Campbell!
Panel 4: Medium shot of CAMPBELL dropping a lit match to the counter. We see GUY in the background gathering his gear and WAYNE headed toward the door.
WAYNE:
60 seconds!
PAGE FOURTEEN (three panels)
Panel 1. The boys entering the newly blown open door, still smoking. Inside the door is a set of stairs leading to the second level of the bank. We see flames in the foreground, engulfing the teller counter, quickly spreading.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 2. The boys in the stairwell, rounding the first flight, headed up the second, which will lead them to the second floor.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 3. The boys running through the 2nd floor door, clearly marked inside the stairwell.
WAYNE:
90 seconds!
PAGE FIFTEEN (four panels)
Panel 1. We’re inside the second floor with the boys now, which is filled with cubicles and desks. We see an office in the back, which has large glass panels for walls with the blinds closed; think of Michael’s office on, well, The Office. We see CAMPBELL pointing toward the office.
CAMPBELL:
There!
Panel 2. The boys are in front of the office now. WAYNE has his gun drawn, pointed toward the glass panels that make up the front office wall.
WAYNE:
No need for theatrics in here.
Panel 3. WAYNE firing 4-5 shots, knocking out the glass panels, clearing an entryway for them into the office.
NO DIALOGUE
Panel 4. Here we see the boys entering the office. Behind a desk we see a stack of 5 or so cardboard boxes, all about 10x10x10, taped up and prepped for shipping, labels and all.
CAMPBELL:
Behind the desk, just where they’re supposed to be…
WAYNE:
Just over two minutes. We gotta get cookin.
Thanks for reading and stay tuned,
-Aaron J.
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